Friday, November 04, 2011

No offence...

So I hope you're not offended! I don't think I've made a secret of the fact that I don't have a spiritual bone in my body... have I? Well you know I have had a particularly crap series of exchanges in the last few days about nothing to do with art, but a lot to do with slaving away in a voluntary capacity at my daughter's school and I must admit that I find myself up to my eyeballs with annoyance at 5:45 on a Friday afternoon. The bottom line is that I'm not a New Age hippy. And I haven't yet had a beer.

* Breathe *

I've had fun and games health-wise recently, the upside of which is that a CT scan has shown definitive proof that I have a brain, so there. I have started falling over again, and it's nothing to do with beer! I had a year or two of doing it after darling daughter was born but what with the overwhelming crapness of the entire pregnancy/birthing/feeding experience it rather disappeared into the chaos of everything else going wrong and was dismissed. Not so funny that it's started again. No, I am not drunk (although I'm looking forward to a beer in a mo). No, I'm not on drugs (well, only paracetamol for my badly bruised knees!). And no, I'm not blindly tripping over. Thankfully it turns out I don't have either an aneurism or a brain tumour (I was assured by the medical receptionist that although I haven't scored a doctor's appointment yet - that's next week - they would have rung me by now if they'd found "anything serious". Phew).

What I may be experiencing are 'Stokes-Adams attacks'... which don't sound like a whole lot of fun, but then, since I lose consciousness and don't wake up again until I've almost hit the ground, it isn't a lot of fun anyway. Apparently what I need for a definitive diagnosis is for a passer-by (you know, the helpful bystanders who rush to your aid when they see you fall over... not) to observe and then communicate to a medical person a) whether I went white before I fell and b) whether I went bright red when I regained consciousness a mere second or two later. Since we're all out of helpful bystanders, I don't know. Last time it happened darling daughter was holding my hand when I went down like a plank (I go straight over forwards, very dramatic!). Geez Louise, my shoulder hurt almost as much as my knees afterwards, but the poor girl was so shocked she was wholly unable to recall the necessary clinical details....

What to do in such trying times? Laugh really, really hard! I had a couple of hours of laughter with friends last night - thank you E & L! - but I've also been having a laugh about a new age-y advert I saw in a recent edition of the Organic Gardener magazine. If your glassware is looking tired and you're all out of energy, perhaps your water needs re-structuring? I quote from the advert:

TC Energy Design products are masterpieces of form and harmony – beautiful mouth blown glassware uniquely shaped to revitalise and restructure water. Created from musical compositions converted into spatial dimensions and moulded into balanced, harmonic glassware, the shapely form of the glassware generates an energising resonance pattern that restores water with subtle waves of harmonic sound. The special design of TC products revitalises water, reminding it of its origins and restoring the integrity of its structure within 3 minutes
The company is TC Energy Design and in case you like their logo, I can share with you that

the protected logo by TC design has been developed from a 12-dimensional basic structure. According to the scientist and mathematician the holistic existence is based on a 12-dimensional hierarchy. Geometry is thereby an essentially efficient module, from which life’s efficacy can be derived and defined. The symbolic powers of the naturally harmonising forces inherent in the TC logo sustain the biological valency of the TC products too
There's a lot more on the website that I don't understand... probably because my rainwater supply isn't very well-structured.

I must say that I live in a part of Australia where this sort of thing is very widespread. It's like being the rational filling in a sandwich where the top slice of bread is the healthy local population of extreme evangelical semi-Baptist creationist anti-abortion anti-gay churches (so many to chose from!) and the bottom slice of bread is the healthy local population of nouveau-hippies... Anyway, I sent the website link for TC Energy Designs off to the Feedback page of New Scientist magazine, and got back via email today a link to a Tim Minchin rant which has made me feel MUCH BETTER! I almost fell off my chair but decided I'd be more comfortable staying put today, thank you. I've never seen or heard anything by Tim Minchin before, but I'm an instant fan... I just need to warn you that you might be offended if you listen to him, if I haven't offended you already!


dinahmow said...

Sounds as though your water needs restructuring!
Good luck with the medico.

ronnie said...

I can sympathise all too well with the keeling over and half killing yourself - I have keeled spectacularly over the years (when I was 19 I keeled over in a maccas - split my head open and collected 7 stitches for my efforts - and was trailed by a nervous maccas staffer - anxious to find our if I slipped on their wet floor - I was too woozy to think quick and go for the lawsuit!) my keeling, it turns out, is a very spectacular version of hypoglycemia (I used to have to cart a syringe of glucose that could be jammed in my thigh to halt the keel.....)

ahhhhh fun for all the family

I hope you get your keeling sorted before you lose any teeth (my sis-in-law keeled and knocked out her front two..... such a good look... so good for the wallet)

xxxxx <- get well vibes (no swilling water gadgets required)

andrea said...

Brilliant. I, too, am an instant fan. And TC Energy Design must've learned how to write their promos from the professors who taught me how to write an Artist's Statement.

Andy said...

What! You just found Tim Minchin? Try searching for him on the Jonathen Ross show. And by the way, how about the Axis of Awesome, try the 4 chords song. I would have thought that this was required listening before getting your antipodean passport?

Velma said...

i think you are entitled to feel a bit snarly. this sounds frustrating as hell. i do enjoy your blog--

Snippety Gibbet said...

So many things on comment on here.

First of all, you are falling over like a plank?????????? Wow. That's pretty dramatic. I've never observed that one. That's pretty scary stuff. I hope whatever has kicked in to cause this, will kick itself right back out again.

Secondly, the water. WHAT? I thought we had some pretty goofy people over here. Sounds like they're all over.

And thirdly, the religious of all varieties. Again, I thought we had some pretty goofy people over here. Guess they're all over too.


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